I’ve posted a few articles about relationships on this site before because I know that it is a crucial topic for both the person living with bipolar disorder and their partner. Many, on both sides of the relationship, are in search for answers, advice, and hope on how to cope with this illness so that they can have a successful relationship together.
As the writer of this blog, I don’t always make it clear or properly acknowledge how this disorder can affect the other person, the partner of someone living with bipolar, because I mainly write from my perspective. I can tell you though that I do try and that I’m well aware that the partner is also greatly impacted by this disorder and that it shouldn’t go unnoticed.
Having said that, this is what I’d like my partner (and other partners of those with bipolar) to know:
- I know you’re trying your best.
- I know you care.
- I know that you are often frustrated beyond belief and don’t know how to make it better or how to help.
- I know that you question yourself and may have even given up or have thought about giving up.
- I know you might think that I don’t care or that I’m selfish.
- I know that dealing with me is far from easy…
I’d also like you to know:
- Everything you do is appreciated even if I don’t always say it.
- I care for you more than you know and my wish is that I’d never hurt you or have to drag you into my problems. I know it’s not fair nor healthy.
- I’m just as frustrated as you and I wish I knew how to make it better as well. I wish I knew how to have you help me, but I don’t at the time of an episode. I also want to make it clear that I know it’s not your job to save me or heal me even if it seems that’s what I want from you. This is what professionals are for and I am the one ultimately responsible for obtaining help. I am the only one who can make it better, but sometimes I may need you to advocate for me and remind me of this.
- I want to thank you for not giving up on me even though you have every right to. Your support means everything to me and this would be so much more difficult to deal with without you by my side.
- I understand that I can be selfish in times of despair and that I’m not always aware of your needs. I apologize that the relationship can be completely one-sided at times and you’re the one always left to pick up the pieces.
- I truly hate myself for the things I put you through because I know you don’t deserve it. I wish I could be my sweet, loving self all the time.
- I will try my best to do all I can to become well, but on the days where it seems I have slipped or have stopped trying, I ask for your patience, love, and support.
- Lastly, I hate what this disorder does as much as you do and what it can turn me into. I want to remind you that the bipolar doesn’t define me and it’s not who I truly am as a person.